Found Poem

by nicolecallihan


Self

(Poem found in magazine while at gym)

The big fat truth?
For the tush of your dreams
you better work. News flash:
Eating badly doesn’t make you a bad person.
In fact, it takes an additional 3,500
calories to gain a pound overnight.
That’s 49 sugar cookies
or 12 slices of pumpkin pie.
Easy fix? Freeze it!
Or chew a stick of sugarless gum.
If you’re bored:
Gouda Mac with Kale and Bacon.
Trust us: sex and running
trigger similar physical responses
(breathing faster, sweating more);
just think of yourself as a brand.
Seriously, it’s the holy grail of feeling beautiful.
Did I mention that my boyfriend
just confessed he pees in our shower?
Don’t worry. There is joy in the bubble.